this is out of context but … I am getting really frustrated right now … as I am writing this my husband is just sitting next to me rubbing my leg while our son is screaming because he’s either not tired or lost his pacifier … yea he’s still using the pacifier … he’s not even 2 yet and he’s ADDICTED. But I have been on my BURNING feet all day [they’re burning because I think the pet odor powder stuff by arm and hammer … I’m allergic too. Any way … so right now I am going to get up and get him situated … and I wonder what the husband is going to do … nothing probably … WTF. He said … “what were you doing?” and I said “situating Ira .. didn’t you hear him??” … he replies “yea …” and I said … “well you don’t DO anything about it!!!” I told him to leave me alone.
I am just really stressed out and tired and tired of him not making an effort.
Ok here comes the RANT
I do EVERYTHING.
I clean, cook, laundry, Em’s homeschooling … all he does it eat sleep and go to work. And his job right now isn’t stressful he is just a cashier … at an airport. I’m sorry but I’ve done a lot of customer service work and cashiering … is probably the easiest job. So I am not working. We are living with my parents because of the economy. But I am tired of living here with my parents.
I do a lot at the house. I cook and clean I am the housewife to both my parents and my husband … but apparently I have no say in my children’s upbringing. It really gets me so mad and I am on my own trench defending my territory because my husband cannot have my back. He never has.
Really why do I put up with this?? I have to right now. I’m not after his money but I do want some kind of stability. To have my own territory. God I am so upset right now that I want to throw up.
I don’t understand them. And today I already gave my daughter Ice Cream and my dad didn’t know that I gave her some and so he was going to give her another ice cream bar and then I came in right as he handed it to her and said to Em’s “Oh Em you already had ice cream, you don’t need anymore.” and then she started crying. [we’ve been having a temper issue and I’m trying to nip it] and then I said “Em you don’t need to cry you can have some tomorrow” and then my mom says to Em “here take a bite of mine” and I’m looking at her with my jaw opened and said “MOM!”… I’m already tired and fatigued I really don’t want to deal with anything else … and so I closed the freezer door hard and she said “don’t get mad, I just can’t deal with the screaming” and I said” well how are we supposed to fix this issue if no one will stand their ground” and I left the room. I mean really … you have a wild fire you wanna desperately put out but how can you when you have some fire fighters putting more gasoline … that is how I am looking at this situation. I am really tired of being the only one holding down the fort. haha I am using a lot of analogies. I hate how my parents give me lectures. I am 23 years old. I am not a child I am an adult. I am trying to raise my kids … but how can I when no one has my back. I really just want to take my kids and just leave. Just me and my children. I don’t need my husband … he can just send me money. Really … that’s all he is providing. There is no love, no nurturing just work … he is cheating on me isn’t he …

I am not going to shed a tear over him. Men are not worth our energy. It should be 100% from both parties … not just one.
Any ways … because of all this stress I have been eating poorly. I know I know but I can’t help being an emotional eater.

Well I think I will get ready to go out. I really need time to myself!!! Ladies night!!!!

Why are you on this Journey? To be healthier. To be more confident with myself. To actually LOVE myself and not be disgusted with myself.

What do you expect at the “end” of your journey? Is there an end to your journey? My journey will never end. I want to continue to live a healthy life. Not until I get to my goal weight but to continue to eat right and exercise regularly.

Why are you here on buddyslim? To not only receive support from others but to also help and give the support back to others that are on the same journey as I am.

We all need to remember that we are not doing this alone. That is what buddyslim is here for. For the love and support that we can give each other because we all are experiencing what a challenge this is. Some of our loved ones give us support and some don’t.
But I want everyone to know that we CAN do this. It make take a long time but this long TREACHEROUS journey is well worth it. S

“Ninety-five percent of all dieters gain the weight back.” Do you want to be a part of the 5% success rate or are you the 95% failure rate? If 1 in 10 people are expected to make it - DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ONE?
I don’t think I will EVER gain back the 40 pounds I have lost so far. In my case of weight gain it was a medication. I will be that 1. I will be the 5% because I don’t EVER want to feel the way I did at 220. No way!

Oh and I think the “95% of dieters” are dieters that used pills and junk. They took the EASY way. Not the right way.

So I have been quite boring lately.

So my husbands birthday is Halloween. We WERE going to have a birthday party at his moms house … but we don’t have much money and it probably would have been us to buy everything so I told my husband to tell his mom that we weren’t going to do it.
My husband actually didn’t want a birthday party. He just wanted to go to Disneyland and spend the day with me and the kids. He’s so sweet. So we saw her a couple of days ago … and she kept REPEATING why we didn’t want the party. And of course Kyle not telling her the TRUTH he tells her because I am busy with our daughters home schooling … and so she’s asking me what I need to do with her and why am I so busy and I’m like WTF. Then we were talking about my friend and how they sued their doctor because they’re baby died during child labor. [she had an ultra sound a week before she gave birth and the ultra sound showed the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby by the doctor said that the baby should unwrap itself. They even got a second opinion from the same hospital and that doctor said the same thing. Well instead of having a c-section she did natural and the cord was still around the baby and it didn’t make it. It was very sad. It was their first child. Well anyway] We were talking about that and then Debbie says “yea I could have sued the hospital for breaking Keane’s [my brother in law obviously] collar bone when he was born.” And I’m looking at her and then I said “Well just be glad your babies didn’t die at the hands of their doctors.” and she just looked at me. She ALWAYS has to have a “BETTER” story but she never does. But I don’t care … it just bothers me when she says stuff like that. Like .. my friends baby didn’t matter.
Then we were talking about hair … and how I have a “lighter” personality when my hair is lighter [I just recently dyed it to my natural DARK brown color] and I just looked at her like … WTF is THAT supposed to mean. I knew it was supposed to be an insult but I said. “No I don’t have a lighter personality when my hair is lighter … you just didn’t see me enough when my hair was lighter” BAM in your face WOMAN!! haha

I tell you. She drives me nuts. Oh and she’s such a big baby. She had fibroids in her uterus. Her doctor is telling her that she is PLAYING WITH FIRE and she still wont have the operation. She doesn’t want to be put under … That she is afraid of people she LOVES being put under. But when I expressed MY concerns about being put under that I didn’t want to die… she says and I quote “Just do it. Get it done.” Yea cause she wanted me to DIE! grrrr.

Anyway …
I’ve just been really stressed out. Money … I don’t even want to think about that right now. Hubby is STILL not helping … it’s just a mess. MESSY LIFE. I am tired of mess!!
GRR.

Well there goes my 1/2 hour of ME TIME.

lets see … Friday night my husband and I got into a HUGE argument because I feel he isn’t pulling his weight around the house. …. He isn’t. My house is suffereing because 5 hours out of the Day I am home schooling my daughter and then the rest of the day I am at the mercy of my terrible 2 son who isn’t even 2 yet!

Then yesterday my stupid dog got a hold of our baby turtle. I have no idea how she got into it’s contained area but she did and chewed the crap out of it. It’s still alive … but it has a huge hole on the side of it’s shell. Thank God my mom was here because she’s a vet tech and cleaned it banaged it … sewed it’s poor little foot that was practically chewed off … she’s been alive for a full 24 hours now …. she’s been eating and drinking water … so I hope she’s in the clear. I am hoping and praying that it survives.

Then today my son got a hold of my hubby’s razor … I have no clue how he got it. I put all the sharp dangerous things in locked cabinets. He cut his chin and lip with it. No stitches or anything … but he was bleeding a lot. I gave him a popcicle that seemed to stop the bleeding on his lip and his chin stopped bleeding about 5 minutes after I put the bandage on him.

But that has been my adventures for the past couple of days. My house is a dangerous house. 

I really don’t know what I would have done if my mom wasn’t home yesterday. I’d like to think that I would know what to do.

It’s so funny … when there’s an emergency and if you’re with someone who usually keeps cool you tend to freak out … that’s usually me … I felt like a chicken with my head cut off!

haha the same thing happened when my daughter broke her arm shaped like a U! haha To many crazy things happen when you have a house full of animals and children!

I have only 2 kids … but sometimes I feel like I have 8! If it’s not one thing its another.

Any ways …

I haven’t really been doing much except for walking. I can’t really do anything. I still have burning where my gallbladder used to be. Every time I move a certain way it hurts like hell!! It’s like a quick but painful burning feeling!!

Last week I was pretty naughty. Ate quite a bit of fried foods … but I haven’t gain any weight … yet haha. But I got the fried foods out of my system I don’t want them anymore! haha Now that I CAN eat them … I don’t WANT them! yay!!

Ice Cream … now that’s another story. haha. But I have been good. I usually eat the skinny cow ones ^_^ and I don’t eat it every night. I’ve only had it like twice this week.

Exercise wise I have just been walking. But moderatly. My heel is inflamed… I don’t really know why. We went to Dland for my daughters bday. I’m used to walking that much … and I wore the same shoes so I don’t know. It’s been bothering me for two days.

well that’s pretty much it. Great huh! X0

Well good night everyone!

We went up to oak glen yesterday. It was really fun. We went Apple picking.
For my daughters homeschool we are going to go to Riley’s Farm there and get to pick some pumpkins!! ^_^ I can’t wait. Because I always buy honey from our local farms and it is SO GOOD!!!

Well I still don’t feel really comfortable exercising. Like the vigorous activities I used to do. So I have just been walking. That’s really all I can do right now.

I hope soon I will feel better because I want to look really good on Halloween! We are having a big Birthday Party for my Husband [he was born on halloween] and All his friends and family are coming. And the last time everyone saw me WAS at my heaviest so I want to look real good! Hopefully another 10 pounds. That’s why I will be cutting back on sweets.

I have been really bad. I’ve been getting the Pumpkin Spice latte’s at Starbucks. with non fat milk and no whip cream. They are so good! I tell you I am a pumpkin junkie!!

I will be making my own pumpkin pies!! and pumpkin rolls!! I usually use non fat soy cream cheese for the rolls. It comes out delicious!! ^_^

Before the surgery I weighed 184 and I weighed myself today and I weigh 178 that’s 6 pounds! in 1 week, and it’s probably due to being on a liquid diet. and maybe because something is missing in my body?? I dunno. But I heard that a lot of people lose a lot of weight after having their gallbladder removed because you’re digestive system runs better because it’s not “sick”

So I will keep those 6 pounds off!!! ^_^

School has started … for my girl. So I’ve been pretty stressed. It’s been hard right now since I can barely move. I’m trying to move but … it’s hard. Haha I had my staples removed yesterday. It didn’t hurt! haha I was dreading that it would.

But yea I am sorry that I haven’t updated. I am really horrible. I should try at least once a week. But I am hardly ever on the computer! ^_^
BuddySlim REALLY needs to make an app for the iphone because I am always on the go.

Ok I promise I will try to update more often!!!

My September goal is to not regain those 6 pounds and to lose another 2 to 3 pounds this month so I will be at my mini goal!!!

I can’t believe I am almost there!!!! ^_^ 10 more pounds after that and I will be at the weight before I had my son!! [almost 2 years ago!! haha]

 I know the crummyness comes from the heat. I’ve been drinking a lot of water and Yesterday I just pretty much consumed gatorade. I know it has a lot of stuff in it … but I really REALLY needed that!! Propel doesn’t do ANYTHING for me! haha I feel a lot better today!! So I FINALLY passed that HUMP!! I was stuck at 190 forever!!!! I’ve just been walking. I’ve been sick the last two weeks and then now this whole dehydration thing happened. So I am really trying not to do anything until I feel 100 percent better … but I hope I will keep those 2 pounds down!! Only 13 more pounds to go for my mini goal. I am really hoping it’s before camping!! ^_^

But that is pretty much it. I am not that exciting.

But I just finished going through my clothes. I FORCED myself to do it. I’m getting rid of all the clothes that I don’t fit in. [the bigger clothes that is] and I went through most of my skinny clothes. throwing [giving] away stuff that’s worn or out of date! I’m saving money to go on a SHOPPING SPREE when I hit 135!! That’s if I’m able to. That’s my pre pregnancy weight for both my kids. … my hips are so WIDE now … I dunno. But we’ll see. I’m thinking of changing it … only because to me it seems a little far fetched.

eating … I’ve been doing ok. I’ve decided I am going to have my gallbladder removed. I can’t stand this!!! It’s driving me insane. But I will be getting it out after the HOLIDAYS because if I get it out before I know I will be BINGE!!! AHHH!!! haha. BUT … if it’s getting worst before then … I WILL have it taken. I don’t want to get an infection. I just hate sticking to cereals!!! AHH!!

I have a really bad sinus headache and I am signing off.

Bye